Tuesday, September 11, 2018
I really felt the lack of sleep this morning. I woke up at 5, packed things up, had a little breakfast, then took our bags to the Wheelhouse Bar where our bus party planned to meet. We had 65 passengers going from the San Pedro cruise port to LAX. At exactly 7:50, we left the ship and made our way to the buses lined up near the terminal. Our bus was waiting for us. They were afraid they'd need more seats, so they asked for another small bus. We managed to fit everyone on the bus with all their luggage (barely), and away we went.
So, there's a story that happened on the bus. Alice and I sat at the very front of the bus. Dorian, Richard, Cappy, Glenn, and a few other folks were way in the back. I went back there to hand out a few final decks of playing cards, as well as making sure everything was all right with everyone. A few minutes into the ride, I smelled something unpleasant. It didn't last too long, but it was annoying. I gave D a call.
“D, everything all right back there?” I asked.
“No, Mike,” he said. “It’s not. It’s not good back here. Not good at all.”
“How come? What’s going on?”
“Oh, man,” D said, “you would not believe this shit.”
“Tell me, D, what's going on.”
“Man, one of your childhood friends made the executive decision to go to the bathroom on the bus. But the thing is the toilet ain’t flushing, Mike. The toilet ain’t flushing.”
“Oh, no.”
“We dying back here, Mike. We dying back here.”
I turned to the bus driver. “Alberto, the toilet isn’t working. It’s not flushing.”
“Yes, is, flushing” Alberto insisted. “Is working.”
“D, Alberto says the toilet’s working. You got a bunch of engineers back there. The toilet’s operational. You need to designate a back-of-the-bus master flusher to remedy this situation now!”
“Mike, Mike, Mike,” D said, “ain’t nobody going in there, man. Ain’t nobody going in there but the friend of yours who started this shit in the first place. He musta spent about 20 minutes trying to get the toilet to flush, man, but it’s a no-go situation. Seriously, Mike, we dying back here.”
“D, I think I may have a solution,” I said. “Alice brought some VIPpooh drops for the Grand Suite because she knew the poker players would use the toilet. The drops are supposed to neutralize any and all situations. Do you need the VIPpooh drops?”
“Come on, man, what you think? Bring us the damn VIP drops ASAP!”
I looked in a bag for the VIP drops, but realized where they were. “My bad, D. The VIP drops are packed in a carry-on bag down in storage. Sorry, D, I can’t get to the drops.”
“Mike, Mike, Mike, I’m beginning to think you don’t fully appreciate the severity of this situation we’re dealing with back here. This is no joke. As a matter of fact, I would say this is about as serious a situation as any I’ve ever encountered in such a confined space with no windows going down, you feel me? I’m not saying this has ruined the cruise, but come on, man, this is having a profound negative impact on the quality of our ride to the airport.”
“That’s why you need a master flusher to flush away the situation.”
“Mike, ain’t nobody and I mean nobody going in there. We’re almost at the airport so we’re just gonna tough it out and hope a few weeks aren’t being chipped away from our time on earth. Seriously, Mike, what kinda childhood friend handle their business on a bus anyway? I mean, come on, man. Come on. This shit ain’t right, Mike. It ain’t right!”
Throughout the entire conversation, I was laughing so hard I was crying. Alice asked me what was wrong and when I told her said said, "That is not funny, Hagan. Someone could be hurt." I was too tired and delirious to care. Everytime I think of our bus ride to LAX, I'll think of my conversation with Dorian. That was too funny.
Finally, we made it to LAX. The bus stopped at terminal 1, International terminal and terminal 7. Our flight was with United, but because Alice had purchased some super budget tickets that didn't include bags, we had to pay something like $350 for baggage. I didn't care. All I wanted was sleep. Our bags were taken away and we waited 45 minutes for our flight. Once in SFO, we collected our bags, hailed Uber, and came home. It was nice to be back. It was sunny and beautiful and all our luggage was sprawled out on the floor in the living room. Austin picked up some Vietnamese sandwiches. I looked at pictures and slept the rest of the day.
The weekend weekend was officially over. I had the rest of my life to reflect on this amazing, incredible weekend. I never forget the amazing wedding of my sweet Alice Wu!
I really felt the lack of sleep this morning. I woke up at 5, packed things up, had a little breakfast, then took our bags to the Wheelhouse Bar where our bus party planned to meet. We had 65 passengers going from the San Pedro cruise port to LAX. At exactly 7:50, we left the ship and made our way to the buses lined up near the terminal. Our bus was waiting for us. They were afraid they'd need more seats, so they asked for another small bus. We managed to fit everyone on the bus with all their luggage (barely), and away we went.
So, there's a story that happened on the bus. Alice and I sat at the very front of the bus. Dorian, Richard, Cappy, Glenn, and a few other folks were way in the back. I went back there to hand out a few final decks of playing cards, as well as making sure everything was all right with everyone. A few minutes into the ride, I smelled something unpleasant. It didn't last too long, but it was annoying. I gave D a call.
“D, everything all right back there?” I asked.
“No, Mike,” he said. “It’s not. It’s not good back here. Not good at all.”
“How come? What’s going on?”
“Oh, man,” D said, “you would not believe this shit.”
“Tell me, D, what's going on.”
“Man, one of your childhood friends made the executive decision to go to the bathroom on the bus. But the thing is the toilet ain’t flushing, Mike. The toilet ain’t flushing.”
“Oh, no.”
“We dying back here, Mike. We dying back here.”
I turned to the bus driver. “Alberto, the toilet isn’t working. It’s not flushing.”
“Yes, is, flushing” Alberto insisted. “Is working.”
“D, Alberto says the toilet’s working. You got a bunch of engineers back there. The toilet’s operational. You need to designate a back-of-the-bus master flusher to remedy this situation now!”
“Mike, Mike, Mike,” D said, “ain’t nobody going in there, man. Ain’t nobody going in there but the friend of yours who started this shit in the first place. He musta spent about 20 minutes trying to get the toilet to flush, man, but it’s a no-go situation. Seriously, Mike, we dying back here.”
“D, I think I may have a solution,” I said. “Alice brought some VIPpooh drops for the Grand Suite because she knew the poker players would use the toilet. The drops are supposed to neutralize any and all situations. Do you need the VIPpooh drops?”
“Come on, man, what you think? Bring us the damn VIP drops ASAP!”
I looked in a bag for the VIP drops, but realized where they were. “My bad, D. The VIP drops are packed in a carry-on bag down in storage. Sorry, D, I can’t get to the drops.”
“Mike, Mike, Mike, I’m beginning to think you don’t fully appreciate the severity of this situation we’re dealing with back here. This is no joke. As a matter of fact, I would say this is about as serious a situation as any I’ve ever encountered in such a confined space with no windows going down, you feel me? I’m not saying this has ruined the cruise, but come on, man, this is having a profound negative impact on the quality of our ride to the airport.”
“That’s why you need a master flusher to flush away the situation.”
“Mike, ain’t nobody and I mean nobody going in there. We’re almost at the airport so we’re just gonna tough it out and hope a few weeks aren’t being chipped away from our time on earth. Seriously, Mike, what kinda childhood friend handle their business on a bus anyway? I mean, come on, man. Come on. This shit ain’t right, Mike. It ain’t right!”
Throughout the entire conversation, I was laughing so hard I was crying. Alice asked me what was wrong and when I told her said said, "That is not funny, Hagan. Someone could be hurt." I was too tired and delirious to care. Everytime I think of our bus ride to LAX, I'll think of my conversation with Dorian. That was too funny.
Finally, we made it to LAX. The bus stopped at terminal 1, International terminal and terminal 7. Our flight was with United, but because Alice had purchased some super budget tickets that didn't include bags, we had to pay something like $350 for baggage. I didn't care. All I wanted was sleep. Our bags were taken away and we waited 45 minutes for our flight. Once in SFO, we collected our bags, hailed Uber, and came home. It was nice to be back. It was sunny and beautiful and all our luggage was sprawled out on the floor in the living room. Austin picked up some Vietnamese sandwiches. I looked at pictures and slept the rest of the day.
The weekend weekend was officially over. I had the rest of my life to reflect on this amazing, incredible weekend. I never forget the amazing wedding of my sweet Alice Wu!
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